Wednesday, October 22, 2008

October: the loss of my dad ,and the love of my husband.

I used to be a big October hater. I couldn’t help but be really sad as I see tons of Halloween decorations, in a strange mix of memories. dad was a big fan of the holiday (well every holiday really), but after a 14 month battle with cancer he passed away 6 years ago this month.I have a lot of days that are hard with out him in my life. So his love of the holiday turned into this really strange thing with all the morbid decorations, and needless to say – Halloween has lost a bit of its luster. Besides all that, I have a lot of hard days missing my dad, even 6 years later. Not only did I loose my dad that day, but I lost my best friend, and if you know me personally, you know that my life completely changed dramatically by the way his death affected a lot more than just me. October used to be the month that I went from my crazy happy self to going into hibernation in a little cave some place dark. He was truly an amazing person, and I think it was just a really hard thing for some people to deal with. As much as I could go on about how much I miss my dad, and all the things that changed with his passing – I’m going to stop right there before this becomes a sad post, and flip it right around to why October became a little bit of a happier month 2 years ago……

Sean and I had been dating for about 7 years (with a break in-between, but who’s counting that?). New Found Glory (our fave band for the last 9 years or so) had a couple shows in town that week. We went to HOB Hollywood the night before, and to the HOB Anaheim the next night (We hardly ever miss a show of theirs, I think we are at about 30ish shows, or more now). So I come home from work that day and Sean says he has a surprise for me ,and he tells me that he won back stage passes to this show. Which was amazing! And I was so excited!!! So we get there and met up with our friends, Sean went to go get our passes from New Found Glory’s tour Manager. The show was amazing, every one was great -Hit the Lights , Cartel , The Early November – then we ran down to the back stage area for New Found Glory. We went down there and the manager was talking to Sean for a bit, about where we could stand and watch the show from the side of the stage. All the other bands were back there hanging out with us too (along with Eisley) . It was just an awesome experience to be able to do that with your favorite band. So I was just in heaven watching and singing back there, and watching the people out in the audience. So they are done with their set and came back for the encore. And then Chad (NFG’s bass player) starts talking about his friend, and how this guy wants to do something. And I was not paying attention because I was still in awe of every one around me. Next thing I know, Sean is grabbing my hand and pulling me with him as he runs on stage. And I swear I thought he was just being crazy (as usual) and I tried to pull him back, but next thing I know we were standing there in front of a sold out crowd of 1,500 people with bight lights on our faces. So Chad handed Sean the microphone, and that’s where Sean told me he loved me the best way you could tell any one. It was beautiful! After he put the (very beautiful) ring on my finger, Chad took the microphone back and said “Well now you guys have to kiss!". So Sean picked me up and twirled me around as we kissed in the spot light on stage as every one cheered, and it was perfect. When we walked off to the side of the stage all the guys in the bands and stage crews congratulated us and gave us hugs, high fives. Their manager even came and gave us a few beers! And (in my still confused state) I asked Sean "So did you really win backstage passes?” and he laughed at me and said no, and that he had been planning this for the past 6 months. And I could not stop shaking for the life of me. Then Sean and I hugged and kissed and sang ‘Too Good To Be’ (which just so happens to be inscribed in our wedding bands) which Sean had asked them to play for us and then the show was over. So we hung out will all the guys for a couple minutes. Then the band manager (that Sean had been talking to over the last few months) told us that every one was waiting for us outside of these doors, so we went out there, and lots of friends that I LOVE were there!. The show had been sold out but the band manager was able to get Sean a few more tickets so that the people that mean the most to us could be there.

Believe it or not, that was the cliff notes version. If you know me, you know that I don’t know how to keep stories too short ;).

So needless to say, October still has its really hard moments (along with a lot of other days), but a lot of those feelings of overwhelming sadness, loss and emptiness have been replaced by overwhelming feelings of happiness, love, and contentment. I feel so blessed to have Sean (and my new family) in my life. No one will ever be able to replace what I loss when my father passed away, but it sure helps to have such amazing love in my life. When we got engaged 2 years ago we started planning every thing right away (including buying my massive dress right away that did not fit into my venue we later decided on), I was so excited to marry the man that I love unconditionally – and I felt like the wedding could not come fast enough. Now that the 2 years has gone by, I have no idea where the time has gone. But now, I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with him! As the last 4 months have flown by since the wedding, I’m sure time will keep flying just as fast being happy together. And now we have our entire futures to plan together.

I’m still getting the hang of the new rules of being married. But if we are still celebrating other anniversaries….Happy 2 year engagement anniversary babe! I love you sooooo much!

Whats a blog with out some photos.........................
My attempt at some engagement photos using our point and shoot and a tripod

Oh....and I figured I would toss one in where we are not kissing ;)

Not the best picture of us , but I love it.
On our mini honeymoon at the JW Mariott in Palm Desert on the boats on our way to the most yummy dinner I've ever had!


  1. so sorry about your dad :( glad you feel a bit better now tho. it's so hard to lose a loved one and honestly i don't think it really gets all that much better. i still miss my grandma immensely. not a day goes by without me wishing i could see her one last time. ok now i'm sad. totally cute pics of you guys tho!

  2. guys are so cute...and it's nice to see your face in some of these pics :)

    Sorry to hear about your dad. But glad that you are able to have happy memories to soften the pain a bit.

  3. Congratulations and Happy Anniversary!!! Thanks for being so vulnerable.

  4. ok, now that I have mascara running down my face... God's provision is awesome and he knows what we need and when. I am so glad Sean got to bless you with your ring at the perfect time. I cannot begin to imagine what it would be like to lose a parent, I'm so sorry that you had to experience this. Enjoy every single second you spend with your husband.

    I'm glad joy has been re-introduced to October.

    Love you.

  5. can i just say i love hearing that story of the proposal more and more every time i hear it...

  6. What a wonderful story, and thank you for sharing not only how hard this month is for you, but also how happy it has become. Congratulations on your 2 year engagement anniversary! :)


Thank you for visiting and showing some love :)
You are awesome.